Biking
Track 2 - July 20, 2023 1:18 AM
ive been biking again recently


i forgot how good it feels to be free


just exploring because i want to


leading the way with intuition because i can


something about it is just so nostalgic


even if it means biking 8 miles to get to wenatchee


i feel like ive lost my sense of self in the time i used to bike a lot to now


and all i really want is to get that feeling back


to not feel as if you’re indebted to all the people who have high expectations of you


i just want to feel like me again


is that really so much to ask for?


one of my friends got into a one sided argument with me.


ill spare you the details but what i realize now is that it was basically just him attempting to invalidate my feelings


for genuinely no reason


and you know, life has some genuinely beautiful ways of sending you messages and teaching you lessons


lessons that i forgot about


when you crash your bike you have two options


either you hope that someone will stop and help

or

realize that no one is gonna stop and help you and just get up and keep going


even people you thought cared about you


as they look straight at you while they drive towards you… you think surely they’d stop and help?


but that argument from earlier?


the one that was completely unprovoked and they brought on?


surely they’d stop and help


right?


in the end your only option is to get up and keep going


because you still have to get home somehow


i think i’m getting back to that feeling again


i might just need some more time being free


just like those fundamentally important times of self-discovery that just feel so nostalgic


theres so much more to life than being held down by others expectations of you.


because sometimes you have to get lost before you can find yourself


i mean… can you really ever find yourself if you weren’t lost in the first place?


when the journey itself becomes so mesmerizing, who cares about the destination?


because there’s something so intoxicatingly beautiful about just being…


existing without any pressure, guilt, or obligation to anyone.


no expectation. no judgement. just pure existence…


isn’t that what we all really ever ask for?