Even then
Track 14 - May 10, 2025 12:40AM
It wasn’t numbness I chased.

It was stillness.

A break from the noise

that never turned off.


I didn’t want to forget.

I just wanted to breathe

without remembering everything at once.


My dreams used to come

like waves in a storm.

No warning.

No air between them.


Each night,

a horror movie I didn’t audition for,

written by the parts of me

I was too tired to face.


And when I smoked,

it wasn’t to silence the truth

just to muffle the screaming.


The irony?

Even then, I’d wake up

feeling like I hadn’t slept at all.

Heavy-eyed.

Head full.

Heart exhausted.


I wasn’t avoiding meaning.

I was drowning in it,

without a single name

for what it was doing to me.


Now, I look back

and hold that version of me

gently.

Because he was never weak.

Just overfilled.


And still,

he survived,

Even then.